STUFF #1

Hiii,
Best friends are supposed to help you through rough times, make you smile and laugh, make you feel at ease and make you feel comfortable telling them anything you like or if something bothers you or if you feel like crying, RIGHT??? Then why do I feel like my best friend is almost none of those things. She makes me laugh sometimes, I make her laugh with my antisocial life, she knows a lot about me and I know a lot about her. We have been besties since third grade. We had our up and downs in our friendship but we never fought. Until last year everything was going fine. Last year came two new girls to our class. They changed everything. My bestie decided to be friends with them, so obviously she dragged me along, and I didn't mind that. It only went downhill from there I think. We became "best friends". They were not real ones, I was always on my best friends side (A quality of mine is that I am very loyal) and sometimes the two girls fought against each other. It was sooooooooooo much girl drama. As I mentioned it before I am not a girly girl so I am not used to it and it hit me like the sea hits the shore on a very stormy night. I hated it and I got sick of it so most of last year I decided not to talk as much as I used to, I kept all thoughts to myself. It was a hard year for me. This year I went through a lot. My dog died. We didn't have a lot of money. I felt envious what others had and I didn't. I cried for weeks about my dog and I still cry now if I see a picture or if anything reminds me of him. We have another new dog now, she is half labrador half german shepherd. My mum works, but in addition she is also a translator. She knows more than one language and it is kind of her hobby to translate. Yes, I know it sounds boring but when I need help with roots of words or what language it came from she can always help and I also happy that she does this as something she loves. Over the last few months not a lot of translating jobs came, so we didn't have that extra money we used to have. In the school I go to most of the kids are have very rich parents. The school is a school that you have to pay for, I got into the school with a scholarship so my parents didn't have to pay. Sometimes I feel like my best friend forgets that my family isn't as rich as her's is so she sometimes starts to brag. I hate when people brag that they are going to get this and that. In this case my bestie was getting a hoverboard. I have wanted a hoverboard for months. She started to talk about how she was going to get a hoverboard and she was very happy. I liked that she was happy and I showed that I was happy for her and she believed that so she just talked more and more about it. I showed no sign that I was jealous. After she got the hoverboard she stopped talking about it. Thankfully. As the weeks went by we made our friendship closer and closer. Last week I was ill, so I didn't go to school for a whole week. Today was very awkward. I barely talked to her all day and I could feel the tension between us. We usually talk a lot together about a lot of random stuff, but not today. When lunchtime rolled around we ate with those two girls from last year. Even though we had a fight in the beginning of the year and we decided not to best friends anymore just be friends we still talked to them and sometimes ate with them. Today we spent the whole lunchtime with them. They were talking about some boy that one of the girls liked and pointless stuff like that. I was ignored the whole time. I walked behind them, and didn't talk a lot. I felt like they didn't want me to be there. I wanted to go but at the same time I wanted to stay, so I won't loose my friend. Now as I am typing this I feel absolutely disgusting about myself. Me being jealous won't change anything. I hope things will work out with my best friend, right now I feel like I only have my One Direction family and other people that are as antisocial as me and spend their whole day on either tumblr, twitter, or youtube. I hope what happened to me won't happen to you!
Bye,
Mash